Maybe...

There are things I wanted to do while I had "free time" here in Ithaca. Get my website up and running. Do a complete overhaul of my resume. Read a whole bunch of different books. But, much like the idea of keeping up this blog when I started it over a year ago, things got sidetracked, stuff feel through the cracks. This will be the final post on this blog. No one will read it any ways. Part of me wants to wipe this page and set it up for a different purpose, maybe start doing my weekly music reviews here and more in detail. Maybe use it to start publishing my own song ideas. Maybe feature some of my photography. Maybe all of the above just to make myself realize that I am trying to do too many things all at the same time. Or none of the above. This was supposed to be my blog about my theatre findings. Which it was. And I stopped posting the things I was figuring out. Maybe because I wanted them for myself, maybe because I didn't necessarily like everything I was learning about how much this can truly suck. And even though it can suck, how much I'm doomed to love it and want to continue doing it until I either make it or die trying. Maybe when I started my Tumblr I let this go by the way side. In a couple months I'll have that website running hopefully and a blog for theatre attached to that (hopefully on wordpress, but who knows) so it won't matter this is gone (or repurposed). So for now this is it here. I'll hyperlink to this final post on my Tumblr, just so maybe this failed attempt will get looked at for once.

I am I, Don Quixote

Its amazing what some confidence can achieve. The past few days have been some of the stressful of my very young career. Trying to get Man of La Mancha up and running at the Hangar Theater has proven to be quite difficult. There have been more late nights and early calls for this one show, then I think there might have been all last year. This is partially due to the fact that in many ways we have been still rebuilding and installing the theater after its massive renovation. I have played with more conduit then I ever want to. But I also think one of the big reasons it has been so stressful is that my boss and I were simply freaking out because of the quality of the designer. To put it simply, the man knows his shit. He has been the original sound mixer on a few Broadway shows, including The Lion King for its entire New Amsterdam run, and designs frequently for the Lincoln Center and other prominent NYC venues. And here we are in upstate New York, with rented equipment that is at least 15-20 years old. Impressive? I think not. With all this, I have been terrified to mix this show. Terrified. Not an emotion I am very common with, especially when it comes to theatre, especially audio for theatre. But I was worrying myself to death. Not sleeping in the precious few hours I had the opportunity, and just over thinking everything. Because of this, tech was a very long process. Until the end of it tonight. We finally finished teching the show and had about an hour left, so we decided to just run from the top until we ran out of time. It was at this moment, I realized that I had everything completely under control the entire time. I know my craft, pretty well I like to think. And it is this confidence (or cockiness as some people see it) that help me to succeed. After all I had been programming qLab all day for the designer, and even though its a program I has operated before and have a basic version of, I really had no training or practice programming it. Yet, I quickly learned it on the fly and he was none the wiser. And even I didn't have the show perfect yet, there wasn't any point worrying about it. A) it was the first run, and b) mistakes happen and c) I'm still learning. I'm a fucking intern for god's sake. So I took the breath and just did it. It was the quickest hour of the entire 24 hour process, and at the end, the designer had nothing but good things to say. This goes in the win column for sure. What I'm saying here is never doubt yourself, as easy as it might be. Until next time...

Far From Skid Row

Posted this to my other blog but it fits here too.

Professsional Theatre. The Ultimate Goal. Or what I’m doing while tpy this post. Not that that matters as I could run this show in my sleep. even still I’m getting paid to do what I love. And I’m getting recognize for my skills and talents at my job. Aside from not caring for this particular show so much, I love coming to work. How many people c say that? I. Love. My. Job. I enjoy going to work. To all my friends in theatre world, know that when times are rough you are truly blessed you are doing something you love. I think we lose sight of that, espec while in school. Going back next winter will be the toughest thing ill have ever had to do. Okay, back to the show. Til next time…

Soapbox Time

They say don't bitch about things you can't do. And they're right. Let's do this.

Stage Managing is one of, if not, the most difficult things to do in theatre and actually be good at(live mixing a rock musical is the next IMO). I've done it numerous times though now and still don't think I'm anything terribly special when it comes to that. However, I have always strived to do my best, be there for my actors and the show (both of which come first) and made sure I had the big things down by the time it came to tech. I'm sorry but not calling places before launching into the top of a show is completely unacceptable. When you have lost the respect of all of your actors and the majority of your production staff, how do you keep a show afloat? Let's not pat ourselves on the back for getting one thing right when we've fucked up the previous 7. It's not your job to come up with excuses for things not working, its your job to take the blame, even when your board op fell asleep. (Not that anyone would ever do that during a show)

Was today the worst tech I've ever been a part of? No, that honor goes to one of the KidSstuff shows from this summer. But its one of the most stressful I've had in college. And it really shouldn't be frustrating to me, I have 4 cues. (I had 6, I cut 2 today) But seeing the looks of confusion on the faces of the actors in the show just made me hurt and not want to do this again tomorrow.

There is a show in there somewhere, we just need to find it. The actors are doing their job, now we have to help them like we promised. This is my common belief when it comes to technical theatre. Its all about the story and message we as a whole are trying to instill into the audience. No matter how aggravating they can be at times (sorry guys, its true, hell, I am when I'm on that side) actors and the main vessel of communication. Sure a few cool effects and music could get a message across, but not with as much emotion.

And for the record, I'm not writing this post because I don't have the balls to say this is person. I know this isn't the best way to do this probably, but it needs to be said. If you want to take it up with me, come to me tomorrow, I'll gladly tell you to your face. Or better yet, come to me tomorrow and ask for help, I've been there. I have knowledge that the professors won't give you because it comes from working with them for as long as I have.

"There's a couple of things I've learned..."

They say you can't go home again. They say time heals all wounds. They say many, many things. They may just be right. After a summer I won't soon forget, I packed up my life, loaded up Sally, and drove off. 8 hours later I was back at the place I felt like I had just left days prior, Varner Hall. That's right, I drove straight to school, do not pass go (go home), do not collect $200 (much needed sleep). Straight into a room where people had gathered to begin the process of the first musical. A musical which I am stage managing, hence the me being there. And as I sat there, (which I actually did very little of as I wandered around the building, letting various people know I was back) I came to the conclusion I must really love this fucking theatre world. Because if I didn't, why the hell was I doing this to myself. Why was I going from a rehearsal into tech for another show the day I got back? Why was I sitting in a room, in a state I didn't want to be any where near(still don't, but that's a tale for a different day) doing the same thing. Why am I doing this? Why did I ask for so much this year? I could've requested to not have many assignments at all. Just focus on my remaining classes and get my ass back out into the real world I now so desperately long for. Maybe I'm really full of myself, but I don't see how much more I can learn here. Yes the experience alone will teach me, but so would experience outside of school. It's not like I need to add even more college credit to my already packed resume. And I'm not certainly not getting paid like I so desperately need to be. So what can I do to make this worth while for me? They also say everything happens for a reason. Perhaps. Perhaps I am here, not to learn, but to teach. And not teach in the actual sense, because that's what teachers are for, but to impart the vast number of things I've learned in both the last 4 years as well as the last 3 months to anyone and everyone willing to listen. I don't know much. In fact, I know very little. But what I do know, I know pretty damn well. So I will show the newbies the ropes, blur the lines between the factions as best I can, mend rifts I've created. When I was an underclassmen, I looked up to a handful of people, and based on what they did, and how they acted, I learned enough to make my own way through college. I guess its now my turn.

Another Day

RENT. The one show that means the absolute most to me, ever. Angels in America is still my favorite play but RENT is the closest to my heart. It was the first show to ever bring me to tears. The first thing really other than a family member dying or something of that magnitude to do so. It made me fall in love with theatre in high school. It was the one show I always wanted to be involved with, no matter what I would have to do. And I am. I'm mixing it no less. My desired position in my dream show and my designer tells me I'm doing a good job. I should be happy, ecstatic even, right? I would be if I didn't feel like I was fucking every thing up. I missed pick-ups that I shouldn't have, levels were wrong, cues were late, and to top it all off, Peter Flynn had a hard time hearing the show and apparently he wasn't the only one. Yes, these people who had trouble hearing were in the last row on the bench which is a dead spot with the coverage, and yes, I am mixing the show with a very limited few of the stage due to the platform in front of me, a light focused directly in my eyes. Yes, there are 23 people (17 mics) and a 4 piece rock band on stage. Yes, I'm mixing from a some what dead spot in the speaker coverage. No, none of these are valid reasons to me for the suck. Maybe I'm just a perfectionist, maybe I'm just stressed (I am both of these things), maybe I was more nervous then I thought, but I just couldn't lock down the beginning of the show today. Side note, nerves before a show is something I haven't experienced in a long time. I didn't even really get them during Bloody Bess. The real answer here is I just love this show too much and I care too much about being perfect, which in all actuality is a good thing. It'll keep me on my toes. We open tomorrow night. Holy Fucking Shit, I'm mixing RENT and its opening tomorrow night.

No Day But Today

Today I truly got to experience theatre in many of its forms. From The Adventures of a Bear Called Paddigton, a children's show of the craziest, cutest variety to RENT was has been, and will long continue to be a favorite musical of mine simply for the emotional pull it has over me even after repeated viewings/listens. It was in fact, the first stage show I ever saw to bring me to tears, maybe even the first entertainment (music, movies, stage) to do so. Then after both of those experiences today, I went into the Wedge for the final performance in that space ever (which was kind of Bittersweet, but that's a whole different topic) for some highly, highly experimental theatre put on by the lab company. Then we struck the Wedge for the last time. Cut down all the runs, packed up the computer and board, the works. I'm still convinced a good strike is my favorite part of theatre. All in all, I worked more today then I did all of last week combined, and even through all the stress, such as moving a piano across town in my Mustang, it was one of the most fulfilling days of the summer. It is now past 3 am and I get to do the first two parts of that again later today, as we have the final two performances of Paddington followed by another run thru of RENT. And then changeover. And find sometime to move. I should really be in bed. Oh well. Work to be done. Goodnight blogsphere.